Pick-up is where her evening begins. Be there when you said, and take two minutes with the staff before you take her home.

What helps

• The same time, every time. The time you gave at the door is the one she’s holding on to. “A predictable and consistent daily routine” helps ease worry.
• Running late? Call the center, so staff can tell her in your words.
• Greet her first. Her name and a smile before the coat and the bag.
• Ask the staff, not her. She may not remember the day’s activities, and staff can fill in the missing details. Ask for one good moment you can mention later.
• Don’t judge the day by her first words. She may say she didn’t like it and still go back the next day. Ask staff how she is actually doing.
• Bring the day with you: what she made, a song sheet, a photo staff took. Art projects “can create a sense of accomplishment and purpose.”

The ride isn’t the time for a report. A string of questions that test her memory can leave her upset before you’re home.

What helps

• No quiz. Skip “What did you do? Who did you sit with? What did you eat?” A question like “What did you do this morning?” can highlight memory problems.
• Lead with one specific thing staff told you, then let her talk, or not.
• Talk about your own day. “Speak briefly about your day and give them time to ask you questions about it.”
• Familiar music, without ads. “Choose a source of music that isn’t interrupted by commercials, which can cause confusion.”

She may come home tired: few people nap at a day program. A drink, the bathroom and a quiet hour bridge the day into the evening.

What helps

• Her needs first. A drink and a small snack, then the bathroom. Hunger or thirst can add to late-day restlessness.
• A calm house. “Reduce noise, clutter, or the number of people in the room,” and make early evening “a quiet time of day.”
• A quiet hour, not a long nap. A short rest is fine, but a long late nap can cost her the night (more in Calmer Evenings).
• Lamps on and curtains closed if it’s getting dark.
• Keep the evening plain. A center day is a full day, and “a full schedule can be tiring.”

The day can carry on at home through what she made, the songs she sang and the people she met, as long as nobody asks her to remember it.

What helps

• What she made, where she’ll see it: the paper flower on the fridge, the song sheet on the table.
• The songs from the day. Ask staff what they sang, and play it at home. “Music provides a way to connect, even after verbal communication has become difficult.”
• “I remember,” not “Remember?” “Rosa told me you sang with Walt,” rather than “Do you remember Walt?” Asking “Remember when…?” “may highlight the fact that the person has memory problems.”
• Talk about what’s in front of you. A photo or an object can help you talk about the present.

A notebook in her bag can carry the day both ways. One caregiving tip sheet suggests you “keep a journal or log in the person’s living space as a method of communication with care providers.”

• From the center: what she enjoyed, who she sat with, how she ate and drank, and one good moment to mention that evening.
• From home: how she slept, her mood that morning, and anything coming up.
• Before the next center day, tell staff about a bad night, a doctor’s visit or a change at home, so they can plan her day around it.
• Keep the routine steady on center days: the same pick-up time and the same quiet hour when you get home.

Day Notebook

One page for each center day, to go back and forth in her bag. Fill in the home half in the morning; the center half is for what the staff tell you, or write. The latest good moment shows at the top, ready for the evening. Your demo holds up to 14 entries while this page stays open. Copy or print them before you leave.

Your Afternoon Too

Pick-up often comes straight from work. A minute in the car before you go in helps you arrive calm, and she takes her cue from you.

The center day is a break for you as well: on center days, caregivers had less stress. Once she’s settled with her tea, take a few minutes for yourself before the evening starts.