Being together can be quieter than we expect

What we found in the news

The abstract of Thulin and Vilhelmson’s 2025 study of everyday togetherness (opens in a new tab) includes shared time and space beyond explicitly social occasions. Its small Gothenburg sample offers a perspective, not a universal account of older people’s preferences.

The authors use the phrase:

“being with”

— Eva Thulin and Bertil Vilhelmson, study abstract

We take that as an opening for a practical reflection on quieter company. The suggestions below are our own, rather than activities evaluated in that research.

Why this matters to us

A lively group can be enjoyable. It can also make a person wonder whether joining means being ready to speak, laugh or introduce themselves on cue. Someone may want company while preferring less conversation that day.

Our genus perspective is that presence can take different forms. Reading at the same table, working on a puzzle or making something alongside others can offer a way to share time without requiring everyone to sustain the same social energy.

Quiet does not tell us how someone feels. A person may be comfortable and absorbed, or they may want help entering the conversation. The useful approach is to offer choices and ask when appropriate, rather than treating silence as either a problem or proof of contentment.

Let the activity carry some of the company

Choose something people can do at their own pace. A bring-your-own-project table, a shared puzzle or time with books might suit a particular group. Ask intended participants before choosing, and explain whether conversation is welcome, occasional or deliberately limited.

Make materials available without requiring everyone to use the same ones. Someone might want to work on a familiar craft while another person prefers to browse. Check the room’s actual rules and the practical support the host can offer.

Allow a person to watch before joining. A brief explanation of what is happening can help without placing them at the center of attention. Ask before moving their work, reading over their shoulder or offering instruction.

If conversation begins, let people choose whether to take part. A host can help keep the tone considerate without turning a quiet session into a test of how little people speak. The purpose is a usable option, not a new performance standard.

Describe the quieter option accurately

Consider what the room is really like. A small table beside a busy kitchen may be calmer than the main hall but still noisy. State the arrangement honestly so someone can decide whether it suits them.

Where possible, provide seating away from speakers, clear circulation space and a way to take a break. Ask participants what matters to them rather than using the same idea of quiet for everyone. Lighting, background sound and the pace of the session may affect people differently.

Keep introductions simple and personal questions optional. Someone should not need to explain why they want a quieter activity. A choice on the invitation can be enough.

After a session, ask whether the balance worked. People may want more time, a different space or a little more conversation than expected. Use those answers to refine the option. Avoid describing the session as a treatment for loneliness or anxiety merely because it was calm and people attended.

The genus connection

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A clear listing can explain what a quieter session involves and give a contact for practical questions. The host still creates the setting and checks whether it fits participants. The description should match the real experience rather than promise silence or comfort the venue cannot guarantee.

One question to take away

Where could someone be welcome without having to talk, perform or explain why?

Offer one realistic quieter option and describe it clearly. Let participants tell you whether it gives them the kind of company they wanted.