Talking about changing care needs before a crisis

What we found in the guidance

The National Institute on Aging’s guidance on recognizing a need for help (opens in a new tab), reviewed October 12, 2023, encourages families to talk with the older person and consider practical support. It also describes planning before extensive help is required.

“The best way to know what someone needs is to ask them directly.”

— National Institute on Aging

This is educational guidance, not a checklist for diagnosing someone or deciding that they can no longer manage their life. Health concerns belong in a conversation with an appropriate professional.

Why this matters to us

Families can postpone a difficult conversation because they are afraid of causing worry or sounding controlling. Meanwhile, a concern may grow through side conversations among relatives who have not asked the person how they see it.

At genus, we think the opening matters. A broad statement about someone’s ability can feel like a verdict. One concrete observation leaves more room for the person to explain, disagree or ask for a different kind of help.

An early discussion does not require a complete future plan. It can simply establish that family members are willing to listen and that preferences will be taken seriously when circumstances change.

Start with one observation

Our suggested approach is to choose a calm moment and describe what prompted your concern without turning it into a judgment.

For example, a relative might notice that a familiar outing has become difficult to arrange. Instead of announcing a solution, they could ask what has changed and whether any help would be welcome. The answer might concern transport, cost, company or a choice to spend time differently.

Try to leave the conversation with clarity about:

• What does the person want to keep doing?
• What feels difficult from their point of view?
• Is there one small arrangement they would like to try?
• When would they like to talk about it again?

A declined offer is information, too. Ask whether another time or approach would be better. Where a health or safety concern needs professional attention, explain the concern and seek appropriate advice rather than relying on a family vote.

These prompts are our practical interpretation of a respectful conversation, not a test of independence.

The genus connection

Today, the genusConnect Care App (opens in a new tab) supports enabled conversations, events and tasks for invited community members. Features and access depend on the organization’s configuration.

It can provide a shared place for an agreed next step, such as arranging a visit or checking an option. Only share information with the people entitled to receive it. Our mission is to support connection around someone’s choices; software cannot determine what those choices should be.

One question to take away

What have you noticed that you could ask about with curiosity rather than arriving with a conclusion?